Thursday, February 2, 2023
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How’s Your Prayer Life – Together?

Hopefully your response to that question will not be “This is it, and something else we didn’t do in our marriage.” Instead, let this question serve as a good reminder that taking time to pray together is a practice that strengthens your marriage.

Let’s take a deep breath and start with this, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1) The question is not meant to overwhelm you, but rather as a reminder that spiritual discipline in prayer, and the privilege of believers to pray need to be shared together as a couple. Whether you are praying together or not, we encourage you not to look to the past, but to look to the future and the spiritual intimacy you can begin to develop through prayer together.

Coffee as a Channel (for prayer)

Tammy and I would say that coffee is an important part of our prayer life. Yes, coffee! One of us (mostly Tammy) would prepare a pot of coffee the night before. This way, all we have to do in the morning is press the button on the coffee pot to start the brewing process. It’s a great feeling to wake up when the alarm goes off and know that one of us (often Tammy) has pushed the button and the coffee is ready. Ah, the bold aroma of roasted coffee wafts through the air. Sometimes one of us (usually Tammy) would take it upstairs.

The dawn is our time to connect, and it is the time where we verbally process and bring our praise, gratitude, and requests before God. Over the years, God has blessed our morning together so richly, and it is easily one of the best parts of the day.

Prayer is Conversation

The Bible has a lot to say about prayer. There are more than 100 verses about prayer in the Bible. I Thessalonians 5:17 says that we must, “Pray without ceasing.” Yes, we should set aside uninterrupted prayer times where we remove distractions and get into the position of prayer. However, we should also understand that prayer is about our communication and conversation with our Heavenly Father. It is more about the posture of our heart than the position of our head and hands. If prayer is a conversation with God, then with coffee in hand you can praise God and verbally acknowledge the things for which you are both grateful. You can also communicate your concerns and together leave them to God.

Prayer is a Weapon

Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus about spiritual warfare. One of the weapons of our war is prayer. “Pray all the time in the Spirit, with all prayers and supplications. For this reason, be on the watch with all diligence, making supplications for all the saints.” (Ephesians 6:18) This was written after we were reminded that our battle is not against flesh and blood and that we must put on the full armor of God. If we prioritize praying together, we are less likely to see our partner as an obstacle to our fulfillment. When we are not spiritually aligned, we open the door to tension and division in our marriages. This leads to blaming each other for feelings of dissatisfaction, anger, resentment, frustration, and distance in your relationship. We can overcome spiritual strongholds together and do spiritual battles together in marriage. This is one way we can fulfill God’s third purpose in marriage: to “reign” in spiritual warfare. Maybe it’s time to warm up the coffee.

Pray for Confession

Prayer is also a good time to admit one’s faults. The psalmist wrote, “Had I harbored guilt in my heart, God would not have listened. But truly God has heard, He has heeded the voice of my prayer. Praise the Lord, for He has not rejected my prayers or taken His steadfast love from me!” (Psalm 66:18-20) If we harbor bitterness, resentment, or other negative feelings toward our spouse, it hinders our prayers. God wants us to admit our mistakes (James 5). Such healing and closeness in your marriage can be experienced through confessional prayer.

Prayer Model

Finally, we will share that we can be sure that the Scriptures teach us to pray. “And this is the confidence we have in him, that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have a request that we have asked of him.” I John 5:14-15 We can by faith come boldly to the throne of God and He cares for us and hears our prayers. Maybe you are not sure what to say in prayer. Remember two things. One, reading the prayers in the Bible. They teach us how to pray. An example is when Jesus taught His disciples how to pray in the Lord’s Prayer (see Luke 11:1-13). Second, you are talking to God himself. He delights in our praise and tells us to “cast our anxieties on him because he cares for us” (1 Peter 5:7).

Brew that coffee and pray together!

Keep these things in mind as you do:

  1. Set aside time each day to gather together as a couple to pray.
  2. Remember, prayer is one of your weapons of spiritual warfare. Fight the battle together.
  3. Confession should be part of your prayers including ways you may have disappointed one another.
  4. When reading the Bible, look for the prayers. Even a Google search “prayers in the scriptures”. The Bible teaches you how to pray.
  5. Finally, God will listen with pleasure when you pray with your partner.


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